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life, recovery

Has it REALLY been over a YEAR?

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I was doing a project for my job recently and I wanted to include my blog link on the project. When I went to my blog, I was like “has it REALLY been over a YEAR since I have written anything?” Then to top it all off I could not log into my account. Luckily, I was able to gain access today thanks to what they are now calling Happiness Engineers at WordPress.

I have missed so much in this last year as far as my writing goes. I have missed writing for SoCS. I missed participating in The Bee Writes’ “Love is in Da Blog 2022”. I missed writing in this year’s Blogging from A to Z in April. I have also missed writing for Song Lyric Sunday. I plan to get right back into my writing now that I have access to my account and my blog!!

So much has happened in the last year. Most importantly I recently celebrated 28 months of SOBRIETY. I am still very much involved with InTheRooms doing lots of service work. In April of last year I created the Pride in A.A. Group on In The Rooms and on Tuesday nights I chair the Pride in A.A. meeting at 9pm EST/8pm CST, this meeting started meeting the first week of May of last year.

After Mother’s Day last year I upgraded from my 2020 Mitsubishi Mirage to a 2021 Mitsubishi Outlander. In October I traveled to McDonald, Tennessee to see my father and stepmother and went to Memphis to go to Graceland on my mother’s birthday October 6th. While in Memphis, on the night of October 5th some nice folks in stole the catalytic converter off of my brand new car. Francesca, that is my car’s name, got stuck in Memphis until December 11th when I returned to pick her up. I still finished my travels in a rental Dodge Ram, that was fun since I am not a truck person. My brand new car already has 22,000 miles on it even though it sat in Memphis for a little over two months.

I am still working with my favorite place to be employed, my home away from home, The University of Texas at San Antonio. Cruz and I just celebrated our 21st anniversary in February. We still have 6 dogs – Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Stitchy, Marcy and Lucy.

Other life has happened as well. My brother in law who has been in my life since I was 11 continued fighting his courageous battle with brain cancer. During this battle I was able to be the brother I am supposed to be by traveling back and forth to the Santa Fe, Texas/League City, Texas area to be there for my sister and brother in law and to do whatever I possibly could for them. Unfortunately earlier this year the cancer had metastasized so badly in his liver and other areas that it was determined to stop treatment. That was in February. On April 28th he passed away at the age of 62.

I am truly blessed that I had the wherewithal, courage and determination to get up on January 4, 2020 and say that I was SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED, I pray for the last time. Had that not happened I would not have been able to be there for my sister and brother in law. I am so extremely blessed to have the family that I have and my friends and wonderful colleagues.

That is what is in “My Rattled Cage” , thanks for stopping by!!!

#SLS

#SLS 5/17/20 – 180

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song-lyric-sunday

This week Jim has given us the prompt of finding a song that includes a number for #SLS.

In many of my other posts I have written about my strong Catholic Faith along with many other aspects of my personal life. Today I have chosen a song by Jordan Feliz called “180”.  It is song about an individual asking for God to assist him in doing a 180 degree turnaround in their life and returning to remain in their faith.

This happens a lot to individuals like myself who suffer from the disease of alcoholism or any other addiction problems. But in order for a person to truly make that 180 degree turnaround they must truly do the work and have faith in a Higher Power that will be there through the good and the bad. I have truly turned my will back over to my Higher Power whom I choose to call God and I am happy that the 180 degree turnaround is happening in me and I am truly loving life and myself today.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

Lyrics
Father, can You hear me now?
I’m feeling like I’ve let You down
I’ve lost the strength to turn myself around
I really hope You hear me now
How’d I get so far away?
What if I outrun Your grace?
Can You replace these broken yesterdays?
And promise me I’m not too late
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
Tell me I am welcomed in
Show me mercy doesn’t end
Wash these muddy stains that marked my skin
And tell me I can start again
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
I can barely believe it
You’re racing to meet me
Your eyes filled with healing, oh
Restoring, redeeming
Forgiving, receiving
This is my beginning, oh
Call me home, I want to be Your own
I’m running desperately into Your arms where I belong (I belong)
And I know Your love can turn this heart
A hundred and eighty degrees to bring me back to where You are
I’m running desperately, ooh
A hundred and eighty degrees, I’m back to where You are
A hundred and eighty degrees
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Colby Wedgeworth
#SoCS

A Little Late #SoCS – Want

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socs-badge-2019-2020

This post is part of #SoCS for Saturday 5/16/20 and the prompt is “WANT”.

Want to know what’s in My Rattled Cage? Today I just want to share that this has been a great week. Last week I wanted my trip to my birthplace, which was also the birthplace of  our 33rd president Harry S. Truman,  Lamar, Missouri to go off without a hitch and it did perfectly. I want to share some pictures from that trip for which the main purpose was for me to place flowers on the graves of my mother who passed on Mother’s Day May 10th, 1998 as well as my grandmothers Ruby who passed at the age of 99 on November 2, 2012 and Wanda who passed at the age of 89 on February 11, 2013. I also placed flowers on my brother Dale Jr’s grave he passed when I was a little over three months old. I also placed flowers on my grandfathers and uncles’ graves as well.

After visiting the graveyards I drove a short drive into Pittsburg, Kansas to eat at a family favorite and tradition Chicken Mary’s. Chicken Mary’s and Chicken Annie’s were featured on the Travel Channels Food Wars Season 1, Episode 3  – Kansas Fried Chicken War. I include the link to the episode; you may have to sign in with you cable service provider to watch. I will not spoil it for you as to which restaurant one the war. My Grand ma Ruby was always a Chicken Annie’s Fan which is located one block away from Chicken Mary’s. My Grandma Wand and our family have always been fans of Chicken Mary’s and a trip to Lamar, Missouri isn’t complete until you have been to Chicken Mary’s.

When I started my trip, my mileage was at 754 and when I returned on Monday the mileage sat 2335.  I have not shared pictures of my new car because I am still pinching myself as I cannot still believe that I am driving a 2020 Mitsubishi Mirage, so I want to share those as well.

The pictures below are in the order that I took them on my trip as I documented my journey. For me this trip was a rite of passage as I have never driven up. I have always flown, taken the Greyhound or ridden with my sister.

Entering Oklahome
The big Choctaw Country log chair at the Oklahoma Welcome Center
Entering Missouri
Entering the County of my birth Barton, County
Flowers outside First Christian Church Lamar, Missouri
My Great Grandma Effie Cline’s grave
My Grandma Sylvia Crissman’s grave. She passed a few days after giving birth to my father. Her sister Ruby Cline Frieden raised my father.
My Grandma Ruby and Grandpa Fred’s graves. Grandpa Fred passed when I was a toddler, Grandma Ruby passed at 99 in November 2012.
My Brother Dale Jr.’s grave he passed of pneumonia in January 1967.
My Uncle Warren’s grave, he passed in cropdusting plane crash in Septemeber 1965.
My Grandma Wanda’s grave. She passed at 89 in February 2013.
My Papa Lee Winningham’s grave. He passed in April 1976.
My Uncle Kenny’s grave. He was my mother’s little brother. He passed on Christmas Eve 2011.
My mother.s grave. She passed on May 10th, 1998 which just happened to also be Mother’s Daythat year.
Entering Kansas to go have dinner at a family favority Chicken Mary’s.
Chicken Mary’s
The storyof Chicken Mary’s.
My delicious dinner. I also brought Chicken home to share with my husband Cruz who has never been.
A beautiful sunrise coming up on my way to meet my cousins for breakfast in Anderson Missouri.
Another picture of that beautiful sunrise.
My cousins Denie Patrick who is the baby of the cousins and her sister Darbi Stancell who was the third born of the six cousins.
A sign at the entrance to tthe Texas state line.
The Six Flags that fly over Texas at the Texas Welcome Center.
The Texas Welcome Center.
Buc-Cee and I being responsible because of the COVID-19 Pandemic. Buc-Cee’s is the best palce to stop on raod trips they have the cleanest bathrooms. In fact that is one of the things they are known for along withtheir fudge.
Mini Buc-Cee joining the others on my dash.

Now I will share pictures of my new car the red detail is what sold me on this car. I thought it was so different. That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#SLS

#SLS 5/10/20 – Together

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song-lyric-sunday
So, Jim has given us the prompts of Couple/Together/Us for this week’s #SLS. I have chosen Sonny and Cher’s You and I.  I love this song because of the message. Even thought Sonny and Cher divorced they stayed very good friends and kept grooving together!!!! That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

Lyrics
Baby, here we are,
Waiting here for time, to play the game
Let love steal us away.
Baby here I am, holding charts
To guide us through the storm,
To a brighter day
You and I will be together,
Many lessons, learned–Oh Baby.
From a past, that’s live too many lies.
Yesterday is gone forever–Oh Baby,
All that I can see–
You and I living together
Just, you and I groovin’ forever–
Trusting every word,
Just to mean, what has been handed down,
In time.
We’ve known hurt before.
Masters of my dreams,
Create a place to feel this love of mine–
And never hurt no more–
You and I living together
Just, you and I groovin’ forever–
We must trust the dark,
For showing us the stars.
We must trust the rain,
And open up our hearts.
Just, you and I living together.
You and I groovin’ forever.
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Foster / Maurice White / Allee Willis
You And I lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
#SLS

#SLS – That’s Why God Made Mexico

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song-lyric-sunday

For this week’s #SLS Jim has given us Cinco De Mayo Again with the following prompts:  Burrito/Fajita/Mexican/Tequila.  So here it goes!! I had never heard this song before but the message is pretty clear if you need to lay low or you just need to get away, That’s Why God Made Mexico written and sung by one of my favorite country artists Tim McGraw.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

 

That’s Why God Made Mexico
Tim McGraw
Margie said Roy you ain’t listening to me
And I got a whole lot more to say
Roy just crossed the floor and picked up his car keys
She ain’t seen nor heard from him to this day
And that’s why God made Mexico
A place where we can lay low
Where the Cuervo goes down nice and slow
And the warm winds blow
That’s why God made Mexico
And Betty fixed Joe dinner every night half past six
‘Cause that’s when he’d roll through that door
Sixteen years and not a thank you from his lips
She don’t fix him dinner no more
And that’s why God made Mexico
A place where we can lay low
Where the Cuervo goes down nice and slow
And the warm winds blow
That’s why God made Mexico
Life is sweet in a border town
You learn to let your hair down
And you don’t make trouble
You learn to…
Source: LyricFind
#SoCS

A Late #SoCS – Directions

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socs-badge-2019-2020

I am running late this week on my #SoCS, but here I am. So Linda gave us the prompt of “directions”.  So I looked at a frozen dinner in my freezer and one of those Yakisoba soups and their directions started with peel back the corner to vent contents.

Peeling back the corner of the box is kind of like peeling back that first layer of an onion. This reminds me of a classic line from Mike Meyers as Shrek to Eddie Murphy as Donkey in the family movie Shrek. “Ogre’s are like onions!”

For me this particular time of recovery from my problems with alcoholism and addiction to cocaine addiction is a reminder that those of us in recovery that are really taking their program seriously are not ogres but they are definitely like onions. As people in recovery we are slowly peeling back those layers until we get to the very core of what we are and why we are alcoholics and addicts. You see as I am moving through my recovery, I am doing things differently. I am beginning to see those 9th Step Promises coming true and I am not even a third of the way through the simple program that is suggested.

Tomorrow I will have four months in recovery and I am truly blessed to have a great sponsor who refuses to let me rest on my laurels. Right now there are no face to face meetings but I am still able to attend meetings with my online home group Global Steps Alcoholics Anonymous that happens to meet in the our church In The Rooms an online recovery place which has so many other recovery program meetings for any addiction that you can imagine. I am working my steps and I am about to embark on my 4thStep which will demand true rigorous honesty on my part.

On my 90th day of recovery I purchased a brand new 2020 Mitsubishi Mirage. I would have never imagined that I would own a brand-new car. I am working a job that pays $10.50 an hour and yet I have no fear of economic insecurity. I am feeling a mental peace that I have never know even during my previous 2 1/2 years of sobriety between February 2014 and September 14th, 2016 when I turned 50 and unfortunately threw that sobriety away and have been struggling through relapses and recoveries over and over again.

In December 2019 my husband of almost 19 years at the time had open heart surgery and I did not handle it well at all. In fact, I wedged his truck in concrete barrier on Christmas Eve when I went out and got drunk – luckily, I was able to have it winched out and I drove it home. But that wasn’t enough. On New Year’s Eve I had no intention of drinking let alone getting drunk because I had to open the Dollar General that I worked at 7AM. Well I did get drunk, did not open the store and then proceeded on a bender due to the shame and remorse. On January second, I returned the keys to the store and as I was leaving, I did wreck my husband’s truck and damaged the right headlight and hood area. Again, going into another bender until the night of January 3rd when I had my last drink.

Next weekend I will be taking a rite of passage and taking a road trip in my brand-new car to Lamar, Missouri where I was born and spent summers and Christmases with my grandparents who are long gone. Sunday is May 10th, and in Mexico every and every so many years including this year is Mother’s Day. I will be going to have a conversation with my mother at her graveside as she passed on Mother’s Day May 10th 1998. But I will also be seeing my grandmothers and grandfathers, my brother and other relatives that have passed over the years. This trip I anticipate will be very cathartic and yes I NEED TO TAKE THIS TRIP, even during this troubling time in America I cannot allow my fears of another health issue to stand in my way of taking down a demon that has been such a huge part of my multiple journeys into relapsing and recovery.

This time I know that if I pick up one drink, I might as well just die because I do have another relapse in me that would be the most horrible of them all, BUT I DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER RECOVERY IN ME!!!!

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!!

 

 

#AtoZChallenge

#AtoZChallenge2020 – You Never Let Go

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Y2020

I hate for this year’s #AtoZChallenge2020 to end. Yet, here we are at the letter “Y”. Today I have chosen Jeremy Camp’s You Never Let Go from my Apple Music playlist. You never let go has always been an important reminder when I hear ti because no matter how far I fall into my alcoholism or addiction of cocaine., my Higher Power whom I choose to call God has never let go of me. Have I let go of him, many times. Yet, I always return to my faith and I know He never let’s go!!!!

That’s what’s in  My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

Lyrics

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back, I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
And oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
Every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go off me, yeah
And I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
And oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
Every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go off me, yeah
Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
There will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes, oh
Still I will praise You, Lord
Still I will praise You, Lord, oh
Singing, oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storms
Oh no, You never let go
Every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go off me, yeah, oh oh
Singing, oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
Every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go off me, yeah
You never let go off me, oh oh oh
You never let go off me, Lord
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Redman Matthew James / Redman Beth Louise
You Never Let Go lyrics © Worshiptogether.com Songs, Thank You Music Ltd.