Tag Archives: recovery

life

HAPPY PRIDE Month!! Come As You Are

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First and foremost ” HAPPY PRIDE 2022!!” For me everyday is a PRIDE day.

Recently I have heard several times the phrase “come as you are”. This phrase can be used in several connotations.

We hear people in churches say come as you are, but really do they mean it?

At our jobs we have these programs of INCLUSIVITY that state be you, be who you are, but do they really mean it?

In our recovery groups we always here please keep coming back and just be who you are and just stay sober and clean! I am a testament that THEY DO MEAN IT!!!

I come to you every day simply as a 55-year-old gay man who is married to his loving partner of 21 1/2 years. I am a thriver not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for a little over 25 years. I am the DADA to 6 four-legged fur babies that love me unconditionally. I am proud UTSA Roadrunner alum and staff member that bleeds blue and orange. I am a brother and a son. I am an alcoholic and addict in RECOVERY for a little over 2 years and 5 months.

I am not perfect!!!

So, I come exactly as I am!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!

life, recovery

How do I live with myself in Sobriety?

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I wrote this blog on September 7th, 2021 for a topic in a meeting that I was chairing and I posted on my profile on InTheRooms.com I wanted to share it here.

As usual I was sitting in a meeting in my other home group Global Steps A.A. and boom there it hit me.

How do I live with MYSELF in SOBRIETY?

This can be either a perfect question to answer or an extremely loaded question depending on whether or not we are WORKING THE PROGRAM OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.

When I was drinking and using, I did not have the capacity to live with myself. I was trying to kill myself through all of the drinking and using that I did. I couldn’t stand who I was and not because I was gay; not because I had been thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS since January 1997; not because of issues that I was having with jobs, my husband and my family; I just couldn’t live with myself and I wanted to be gone.

That all changed this time around on January 4, 2020 when I woke up and said ENOUGH is ENOUGH! I truly meant it when I said I AM SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. I dived right in and became determined to WORK THE PROGRAM of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and not work Gregory’s program any longer, because Gregory’s program has never worked.

So today, I am able to LIVE WITH MYSELF IN SOBRIETY. I am able to live with myself in sobriety because of all of those things mentioned above and the wonderful living amends that I have been making to my family, my job, and of course myself. You see living with myself began by me starting with FORGIVENESS for myself and to stop blaming others for everything else that I have done to myself and to them. I guarantee that anything that I did to them was not caused by them, it was caused by my own actions or inactions during my drinking and using.

Today, I may have tough days, but my worst days sober are so much more livable than my best days drinking and using. Today I look in the mirror and I say thank you to my Higher Power for granting me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change – I am an Alcoholic -; the courage to change the things I can – I do not have to drink or use today -; the wisdom to know the difference – the ability to step back and breathe when things are not going my way.

Today, I LOVE ME, ALL OF ME and I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me, why? Because if they ain’t paying my bills, I pay them no mind!!!!

Because of all of my fellows, my Higher Power whom I choose to call GOD and working the PROGRAM – I will stay SOBER JUST FOR TODAY!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

life, recovery

HAPPY BIRTHDAY – PRIDE in A.A. on InTheRooms.com Turns 1 Year Old

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If you are looking for a place to enhance your recovery online then look no further than InTheRooms.com. InTheRooms (ITR) has every type of recovery group and meeting that an individual could think of. We are proud to now be able to offer a new group called Pride in AA on InTheRooms.com. 

AA for members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Pride In AA closed Alcoholics Anonymous group is dedicated to members of the LGBTQ+ community and their ALLIES. We endeavor to create a feel-safe place where you can be comfortable in sharing, discussing and growing in recovery. It’s a place to share about the disease of alcoholism and how that relates to identification as LGBTQ+ and ALLY community membership. Joining the closed group does not mean you are disclosing that or how you identify. It is just joining a closed group that you feel will help you continue your growth in recovery together with others. We do this together!

A feel-safe place.

When the COVID-19 Pandemic hit we in recovery were hit hard. Face-to-face meetings were shut down and online meetings became front and center in recovery. Prior to the pandemic meetings specifically for LGBTQ+ and ALLIES could be found in pretty much every large city. In fact, a popular search site is Gay and Sober which is an international meeting search site.

While the AA Group on ITR is very inclusive, not all LGBTQ+ individuals feel they are able to truly open up and discuss all aspects of their recovery. For many, their alcoholism, recovery and their identifying as LGBTQ+ are intertwined. It is so important for those who identify as LGBTQ+ or as an ALLY to feel 100% able to be rigorously honest with themselves and others. It is important to discuss their solutions to internalized stigma and not feeling comfortable speaking in open meetings. Lack of familial support is also a reality for many in the LGBTQ+ community and as More About Alcoholism states – we could add to this list ad infinitum.

Where and when?

This group has been meeting on Tuesdays at 9PM EST since May 18th, 2021. If you are in need of a meeting to be you, please go to In The Rooms and become a member. Once there you can click on the Pride in A.A. Group link from this blog and request to join. We hope to see you there. 

If you would like to join the group just search for Pride In AA in the groups option and request to join. If you would like to reach out to us you can by emailing prideinaa2021@gmail.com. We look forward to meeting you at Pride in AA on InTheRooms.com.

That is what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

life, recovery

Has it REALLY been over a YEAR?

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I was doing a project for my job recently and I wanted to include my blog link on the project. When I went to my blog, I was like “has it REALLY been over a YEAR since I have written anything?” Then to top it all off I could not log into my account. Luckily, I was able to gain access today thanks to what they are now calling Happiness Engineers at WordPress.

I have missed so much in this last year as far as my writing goes. I have missed writing for SoCS. I missed participating in The Bee Writes’ “Love is in Da Blog 2022”. I missed writing in this year’s Blogging from A to Z in April. I have also missed writing for Song Lyric Sunday. I plan to get right back into my writing now that I have access to my account and my blog!!

So much has happened in the last year. Most importantly I recently celebrated 28 months of SOBRIETY. I am still very much involved with InTheRooms doing lots of service work. In April of last year I created the Pride in A.A. Group on In The Rooms and on Tuesday nights I chair the Pride in A.A. meeting at 9pm EST/8pm CST, this meeting started meeting the first week of May of last year.

After Mother’s Day last year I upgraded from my 2020 Mitsubishi Mirage to a 2021 Mitsubishi Outlander. In October I traveled to McDonald, Tennessee to see my father and stepmother and went to Memphis to go to Graceland on my mother’s birthday October 6th. While in Memphis, on the night of October 5th some nice folks in stole the catalytic converter off of my brand new car. Francesca, that is my car’s name, got stuck in Memphis until December 11th when I returned to pick her up. I still finished my travels in a rental Dodge Ram, that was fun since I am not a truck person. My brand new car already has 22,000 miles on it even though it sat in Memphis for a little over two months.

I am still working with my favorite place to be employed, my home away from home, The University of Texas at San Antonio. Cruz and I just celebrated our 21st anniversary in February. We still have 6 dogs – Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Stitchy, Marcy and Lucy.

Other life has happened as well. My brother in law who has been in my life since I was 11 continued fighting his courageous battle with brain cancer. During this battle I was able to be the brother I am supposed to be by traveling back and forth to the Santa Fe, Texas/League City, Texas area to be there for my sister and brother in law and to do whatever I possibly could for them. Unfortunately earlier this year the cancer had metastasized so badly in his liver and other areas that it was determined to stop treatment. That was in February. On April 28th he passed away at the age of 62.

I am truly blessed that I had the wherewithal, courage and determination to get up on January 4, 2020 and say that I was SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED, I pray for the last time. Had that not happened I would not have been able to be there for my sister and brother in law. I am so extremely blessed to have the family that I have and my friends and wonderful colleagues.

That is what is in “My Rattled Cage” , thanks for stopping by!!!

#SoCS

#SoCS January 30, 2021 – Beginning and End

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This year I did not participate in Just Jot January and I have missed it. I also have not posted in a while for Stream of Consciousness Saturday. This weeks prompt is exciting to me because of the exciting changes coming my way.

On Monday February 1st I start a new BEGINNING at a very familiar place to me. I am returning to The University of Texas at San Antonio as a Business Service Center Specialist I for the College of Sciences. Four years ago when I left the university due to personal health issues and other things going on, I never would have imagined that I would ever be able to return, let alone return and report directly to one of my former colleagues with the Institute for P-20 Initiatives from July 1, 2015-February 16, 2017 almost four years to the day I left.

This would not be happening if it had not been the END of the craziness of my alcoholism and addiction that started on January 4th, 2020. In the little over a year of sobriety I have worked 5 different jobs including what I am doing now and that is delivering for Favor a Texas Company through H-E-B. I have been doing that since December 2020. That would not have happened had I not had a new BEGINNING with purchasing my 2020 Mitsubishi Mirage from Mission Mitsubishi on April 4, 2020 on my 90th day of SOBRIETY.

2020 marked a new BEGINNING of ADULTING and the END of being selfish and immature. I can testify that if you work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and not your program, the 9th Step Promises will start coming true before we are halfway through. Fear of people and economic security has been leaving me in record time.

I am so truly blessed and my goal is simply to work the program and work my job ONE DAY AT A TIME and that is all I need to do.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!

life

Mission Accomplished

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So, I can make the OFFICIAL announcement. On February 1st I am returning HOME to my beloved The University of Texas at San Antonio as a Business Service Center Specialist I with the College of Sciences!!!

I cannot even stop expressing how EXCITED and ECSTATIC I am to be returning home.

Everyone knows I bleed ORANGE and BLUE!!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

life, recovery

A DIFFERENT KIND OF BIRTHDAY!!!

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Today I celebrate 1 Year of SOBRIETY!!!

I have done it by working THE PROGRAM of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS and remembering that I cannot keep what I do not give away freely!!

I thank my family and friends for their undying support, and my family at my home group the Goliad and Global Steps AAthat happens to meet in the hall of In The Rooms.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

#SoCS, Uncategorized

#SoCS 12/5/20 – List for Sobriety

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Linda has given us the prompt of “list” for today’s #SoCS.

Enjoy this lyric video of For King and Country’s “Never Give Up”.

Yesterday I celebrated 11 months of SOBRIETY because I have never given up. My last drink was on January 3rd, 2020. I have not done it on my own, it has taken a lot of work with my sponsor, attending/chairing/sharing in face to face meetings at my home group the Goliad Group along with service work as the Group Secretary; attending/chairing/sharing in meetings at my online home group Global Steps Alcoholics Anonymous that just happens to meet in the hall of In The Rooms.

But there is also an important list of 12 everyday things that must happen if I am to remain SOBER!

  1. When I wake up in the morning, I thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God for waking me up and not bringing me to.
  2. I ask my Higher Power to assist me throughout the day with keeping my character defects in check – yes, I do have a lot of character defects and I turn my will over everything in my life for the day to Him. His will be done and not mine!
  3. I keep in contact with my sponsor and other alcoholics that help keep me sober.
  4. I go throughout my day doing the next right, best thing to keep me sober.
  5. I share in my online meetings.
  6. I chair online meetings twice a week.
  7. I attend and share in my face to face meetings.
  8. I chair one face to face meeting on Monday evenings at the Goliad Group.
  9. I do spot-check self inventories throughout the day.
  10. I recite the Serenity Prayer sometimes many, many, many times throughout the day.
  11. The most important thing that I do is “I DO NOT PICK UP THAT FIRST FRINK OR ANY OTHER SUBSTANCE I USED TO USE” just for today.
  12. When I go to bed, I thank my Higher Power for ASSISTING me throughout the day to help keep me SOBER just for today!

Enjoy this video of For King and Country’s “Control”.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!

#SoCS, life

#SoCS 10/31/20 – Trick not Treat

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Linda has given us the prompt of “trick” for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SOCS.

I have not written in a while because I have had no free time and I have not been able to carve out any until today!

Happy Halloween…October 31st! – The MPS Advantage

Since June 23, I have working through Leading Edge Personnel at a great assignment with The University of the Incarnate Word School of Osteopathic Medicine (UIWSOM). Yesterday afternoon at the end of the day as I was leaving campus for the day I received a call from Leading Edge Personnel to inform me that my assignment with UIWSOM had ended effective immediately. I immediately stopped in my head and said, this has got to be a TRICK! The reason I was given was that they had found another individual to fill the position I was serving in as a Phase II Coordinator for the 4th year medical students.

Happy Halloween! | Standard Market

I didn’t even know that they were looking to replace me, as can happen when you are on an assignment through a temporary agency. I really thought that I was doing a great job, there were no indications that something was afoot.

Here is the great thing, I did not drink over it nor do I intend to. When my Higher Power whom I choose to call God closes a door, He will open another one. I pray very soon.

The other thing I did not do is this. The old alcoholic in me would have shot off a scathing email to the powers that be at UIWSOM deriding all of the things wrong with the institution and the people I worked for and with, and blah blah blah blah. The alcoholic with almost 10 months of recovery simply wrote a very professional email and asked simply – exactly what happened for the powers that be to make the determination that I was no longer a good fit and to end my assignment. We will see if I get a response from one of the 3 people that I sent it to.

Happy Halloween: Adland delivers spooks and scares | Campaign US

So, this morning I did wake up and say, was it a TRICK or a TREAT? I am just going to do what I do best, dust it off and hit the pavement again and find another position. I may not find one that pays what I was making there, but something will come.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by and have a VERY SAFE and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

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#SoCS

#SoCS 9/26/20 – Container

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Linda has provided us with the prompt of container for this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

There is nothing worse than trying to find lids to the containers in the plastic to go cabinet in the kitchen. Wait, there is something worse, when you specifically buy containers with lids that stack together and your husband refuses to fall in line with that practice.

I cannot tell you how many I say, “Mr. Herrera, I buy these types of containers because of their ability to help save space and to keep the containers and lids together in one simple place. You see on Sundays I cook Sunder dinner and I deliver food to some very special people – my mother in law, the Sisters of the Holy Spirit and some other friends of ours.

It is very annoying searching for containers and then not finding the lids because he has put them in a drawer where they don’t belong.

On a different topic, I am getting better a placing certain things that have come up in my recovery into different MENTAL containers, some would say compartments – but aren’t they really the same thing?

For example when the old resentment player decides to suddenly crank up, I shut it off and throw it back into the far reaches of the resentment container in the brain. I have been blessed that over the last 8 months and 22 days I have not had to throw the desire to drink into it’s mental container – because I haven’t had any desire to drink.

What I do have to make sure stays in their respective mental containers are my character defects of impatience, sometimes being impulsive, speeding (for which I just completed my Defensive Driving Course for getting a ticket for going 86 in a 70 on a country road in Eagle Lake, Colorado County, Texas on 9/5/20 when I went to see my family on a spur of the moment trip), finding faults in others that I do not like about myself. I could go on and on with this list.

How do I keep those things where they belong? I wake up every day and thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God for waking mu ep and not just bringing me to. I ask for His guidance in all that I do by turning everything over to the care of God as I understand him. I make meetings whether online or face to face. I do the best right thing. I do not pick up that first drink. At the end the day I again thank my Higher Power for being my partner in recovery JUST FOR TODAY! I am continuing to work on my 4ht step and I am in constant contact with my sponsor and I have the best support system in the world.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage today, thanks for stopping by.