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#SoCS

Very Late #SoCS 6/13/20 – Nail

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I apologize for posting this entry for #SoCS for 6/13/20, for which Linda provided the prompt of NAIL on Wednesday 6/17/20, however I have been wanting to write this post but I just did not have a chance to do so until now. A lot happened in the last week that has definitely been a great thing. Since losing my job on May 28th I have been utilizing every job site and even stepped out of my box and applied at 7-11 and Circle K.

Long story short I applied to a local 7-11 franchise store and the owner texted me on Wednesday 6/10 and asked me to come in. I went in on Thursday morning 6/11, they spoke to me for five minutes and then handed me a new hire packet which I brought home and filled out. I returned the packet a little later that morning and that afternoon, I was the schedule for Friday from 8 AM – 4 PM. I did my first day of training on Friday and then Friday I was asked to go in for my normal graveyard shift because someone had called in, and I did. I am adjusting to the new work schedule as well as new sleep schedule while still maintaining my normal activities to ensure I do not allow the proverbial nail of drinking to creep into my mind.

As I often write about the fact that I am and will always be an alcoholic. My being an alcoholic is not the nail in my framework or the proverbial coffin. That nail becomes real if I ever begin to think that I have this disease licked or if I ever determine that I drink like a normal person. If I ever pick up that first drink I will truly be putting that nail into my coffin because, while I may have another drunken bender in me – I do not have another recovery in me and I do I believe that the disease of alcohol will kill me before the HIV/AIDS that I have thriving with, not just surviving with for 23 years or anything else that is within my control.

As long as I am doing the right things – talking to my sponsor, attending both face to face with the Goliad Group or the LAMBDA Group here in San Antonio and online meetings of Global Steps Alcoholics Anonymous on In The Rooms, doing service in those groups by chairing meetings – greeting in meetings – and sharing in meetings, continuing in my Catholic faith and asking my Higher Power whom I choose to call God to help me each day JUST FOR TODAY to help keep me sober and to do HIS WILL and not my own, and thanking my Higher Power at the end of the day for doing so – then I will be able to ensure that the proverbial NAIL of alcoholism and taking that first drink will not come.

So today “No Matter What It Takes” I will do it to ensure that I do not put that proverbial NAIL in any aspect of my life. Please enjoy this lyric video of Jeremy Camp’s No Matter What It Takes.

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!

recovery

#LifeHappens

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So, I haven’t posted a regular blog post since July 19th, 2019. If you have read my blog in the past, you know that it is a very personal blog having to do with many topics most of which deal with my struggles with relapse and journeys into recovery from alcohol abuse and cocaine abuse.

This post is no different. Since July I have definitely had my struggles with alcoholism. That being said, I have not had a desire nor have I used cocaine since November 2018.

I currently have 70 days sober and I believe that this time is very different because of some very stressful things that happened to my husband of 19 years. In October we learned that he had 85% or higher blockage in three arteries which led to triple bypass surgery on December 17th, 2019. I handled the surgery well and Cruz came out with awesome results. The surgery took less time than expected and he was released from the hospital in 4 days.

I was fine for the first week and then on Christmas Eve while Cruz was starting his recovery at his mother’s for the next six weeks, I had the bright idea to go out to a bar at 11:30PM. I did not go to the bar to hook up, I just needed to be around people, and I did close the bar. When I left I ended up getting Cruz’s truck stuck in a ditch, no damage to the vehicle but I had to have it winched out the next morning. I did not go see him and his mother on Christmas Day because of the shame and guilt I felt for going out and the truck issue.

I did go see him on his birthday 12/30 and we did our Christmas and his birthday. I took him and his mother a full spaghetti dinner. On New Year’s Eve I had vowed I was not going to drink because I had to open my Dollar General Store at 8AM on New Year’s Day. Well that did not work out and I never made it to work and was terminated. When I went to drop off my store keys on 01/02, as I was pulling out of the parking lot I was so upset and not paying attention that I hit a light pole as I was leaving and did damage the front right headlight and hood area of Cruz’s truck. I was not drinking when this happened.

I again isolated for two days and drank like a fish because of shame and guilt. On January 3rd, I had my last drink and I have been working a strong program. I am making online meetings at In The Rooms and I have found a new home group LAMBDA Group that I started attending on January 09th and saw someone I have known for years pick up their 20 Year Chip. I am loving this group and make a face to face at least once a week. After that first LAMBDA Group meeting I went to Luby’s where I had worked before and had applied recently and spoke to the General Manager. He Hired me and I started on 1/10/2020.

Since this time Cruz has returned home to me and his babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie and Stitchy. He doing very well and has since retired from his job with Christus Santa Rosa Children’s Hospital of San Antonio where he has been employed as Medical Laboratory Chemistry Technician for 45 years. I am about to embark on a new position with Qualfon on March 30 because I have found that my body is no longer cut out for the strenuous work involved in the cafeteria back of the house business.

Someone said in a meeting the other day that another person can not keep you sober. While this is true, I can tell you that another person can help just by being there. Since Cruz has been home and even when he was working and was off I do not have those depressive feelings of loneliness and desire to drink or even use. I cannot explain it and no it is not because he can stop me, if I really wanted to I would find a way.

So today I am blessed to have 70 days sober, for the most I part am extremely healthy  and I am looking forward to my new adventure and hopefully writing more as I will be working a stable schedule of M-F 7Am – 4PM.

That’ what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!