Tag Archives: HIV-AIDS

#SLS 4/19/20 – San Antonio 2 Fer

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This week for #SLS Jim has prompted us with Home Town or City and this may be more challenging, because it is different from the usual prompts that has given us for Song Lyric Sunday.  Pick a place that you consider to be your home town or city, or some place that you relate to and then try to find a song that mentions it.

I have lived in San Antonio, Texas since September 8, 1990. Since that time I have lived life to the fullest to include making many mistakes and having really great milestones. I turned 30, 40, 50 and all the ages in between those milestones in San Antonio. I met the love of my life in the summer of 1997 and didn’t know it at the time because we lost touch until January 2001 when we picked up where we never left off after he called information to get my telephone number because he needed a friend, , and have been together for over 19 years. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in life than my Cruzer!!!  I earned my B.A. and M.A. in Communication both at The University of Texas at San Antonio.

Have I had my struggles in San Antonio, yes I have especially with alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. Learning that I was bipolar and have managed through years of deep depression. I have thrived not just survived living with HIV/AIDS since January 1997 (over 23 years). Now I am living through the strongest recovery from alcoholism and addiction than I have felt – there is just something different about this time around.

So, today I have chosen Tanya Tucker’s San Antonio Stroll  and Bob Wills’ San Antonio Rose. 

Lyrics
When I was a child down in South Caroline
Soon as Saturday sun went on down.
My folks and sister would go and leave me home all alone,
Going to that big square dance in town.
Well my old radio would play that old opry show,
So I never got lonesome or blue.
I’d fall asleep in my chair and dream that I was right there,
Just singing the whole night through.
When my folks would come home, they’d be humming a song,
Mama’d smile and say: “Child, don’t you know,
“There ain’t a thing in this world to make you fall in love girl,
“Like the San Antonio Stroll?”
Well the day finally come when my mama said, “Hun,
“It’s ’bout time you came with us as well.”
Well, I had me a time, yes, I danced all the night,
Till they rang that ol’ cracked-midnight bell.
Then the lights went down low, the fiddler picked up his bow,
And he played something stately and slow.
And my sister Eileen and her husband-to-be,
They held hands and began to stroll.
I’ve been away for a while, but it still brings a smile,
When I think of the way that it goes.
Now I’ll sing it to you just so we both can do,
That old San Antonio Stroll.
Yes, I’ll sing it to you just so we all can do,
That old San Antonio Stroll.
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Peter Noah

 

San Antonio Rose
Deep within my heart lies a melody
A song of old San Antone
Where in dreams I live with a memory
Beneath the stars all alone
It was there I found beside the Alamo
Enchantment strange as the blue up above
A moonlit pass that only she would know
Still hears my broken song of love
Moon in all your splendor know only my heart
Call back my rose, rose of San Antone
Lips so sweet and tender like petals falling apart
Speak once again of my love, my own.
Broken song, empty words I know
Still live in my heart all alone
For that moonlit pass by the Alamo
And Rose, my Rose of San Antone
Deep within my heart lies a melody,
A song of old San Antone
Where in dreams I live with a memory
Beneath the stars all alone
It was there I found beside the Alamo
Enchantment strange as…
Source: LyricFind

I will not be shaken!!!!

I watch the news once a day, normally in the morning between 6 & 7, because if you watch more than that you are only seeing regurgitation of the exact same stories and film at noon, 4, 4:30, 5, 6, 9 and 10.

Every single media outlet is in my opinion inciting more fear, stress, depression and triggers for individuals over the COVID-19 pandemic.

It also does not help that the current occupant of the White House must be in front of the cameras everyday with the people whose noses are so far up his tail and they are constantly praising his leadership!

I have not seen a true president, he has not calmed the country nor the economy down throughout the pandemic thus far. He continues his xenophobic ways by calling COVID-19 the Chinese virus, which does nothing but cause more xenophobic behavior in our country.

COVID-19 does not discriminate as we can see, it is unfortunate that the first truly reported hotspot was in Wuhan China. We must be better than we have been and remember that “BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, THERE GOES I!!!”

San Antonio is about to be pretty much shut down in the effort to prevent the spread of this horrific virus. Cruz and I are okay with this. Will we hurt financially, possibly but we both have our own underlying health issues and need to be careful. We will continue to live our normal lives and keep as much of our routines as possible.

I also lovingly say, if HIV/AIDS hasn’t killed me in over 23 years and my alcoholism and cocaine addiction off and on over the last nine years hasn’t killed me – no COVID-19 is gonna kill me either!!! I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!!!

Cruz and I send our thoughts and prayers to everyone everywhere being affected in any way because of COVID-19

That’s what’s in My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

#SoCS March 14, 2020 – Wire

Wow!! It has been a very long time since I have participated in #SoCS. Today’s prompt is wire. 

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It seems everyone is walking a line wire all over the world because of COVID 19 (Coronavirus). Because of the hysteria being caused by all media outlets and the way the virus is being covered.

I refuse to walk on that very dangerous high line wire because I see it this way. If HIV/AIDS for over 23 years, many years of alcohol abuse and cocaine abuse have not killed me yet, no  COVID 19 is gonna get me nor bother me!!

I choose to believe that  THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!! 

This too

and for a little funny ………..

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That’s what’s in  My Rattled Cage, thanks for stopping by!!!

#AtoZChallenge & #1LinerWeds – 4/17/19

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#AtoZChallenge & #1LinerWeds 4/17/19

I am so excited that today my journey begins to a mouth full of new pearly whites by having my remaining teeth removed, but enough about me!!

“O” is for OVERCOMER!!! Thriving, not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years, being bipolar and dealing with off and on bouts of depression and of course my issues with chronic relapses and return to recovery – I know that YES I AM AN OVERCOMER!!!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

A to Z 2019

“B” is for BRAVE

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary blogging from A to Z challenge letter B

10th Anniversary Blogging from A to Z – “B”

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As many folks know, I am an open book about every aspect of my life. I am willing to share my EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE about my struggles with chronic relapsing and returns to recovery from alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. I freely discuss my struggles with being bipolar and the depression that can be debilitating and baffling at times.

I gladly discuss my being a very proud, open and out gay man that has been with his partner for over 18 years (yes, someone has put up with me for that long besides my family). We have our struggles but that is life. I love talking about and sharing pictures of our five beautiful four-legged babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie and my boy Stitchy!!!

I am never a hesitant to discuss the fact that I have been thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years and all of the issues I have had with medication regimens and how I have been able live openly with the disease  and never be ashamed to share that fact because it is not what makes me who I am. All of these are things that are part of who I am.

Here is a where the word BRAVE comes into this post. All the time, I hear people tell me that I am so brave to be so open and honest as an open book. I do not see it as being BRAVE, I see it as being my authentic self!!

For your enjoyment Sara Bareilles’ “BRAVE!!!!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

A to Z 2019

#FOWC – Health (Physical, Emotional and Mental)

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Areas of Physical, Mental and Emotional Health

This post is a little late because I have just been lazy and tired the last couple of days. Part of that is because of dealing with a situation that threw me for a loop on Sunday morning at my normal parish church St. Cecilia Catholic Church in San Antonio, Texas. That is a different story and a different post.

When I saw this prompt, I thought how appropriate considering the weekend that I had had. I am very honest and open about being bipolar, fighting depression, recovering alcoholic and addict while also thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years. These aspects of my life make it vey clear that I have to be cognoscente and diligent in how I manage these three areas of my health. My physical, emotional and mental health have to be at the forefront of everything that I do.

I wish I could tell you which one of these three are the most important, but the truth is that everyday it varies. One day the depression can be so bad that the mental health takes center stage. Another day I can be so drained and tired even though I have done nothing that my physical health takes center stage. Then there are the days that the feelings are so manic that the emotional health takes center stage. Very seldom do all three aspects of my health take center stage together like the actors in a play at the end when they take their bows.

What I do know is that even when one aspect is taking center stage all three must be attended to or else my self will runs riot which is the reason I have had such a struggle with chronic relapsing over the years. My physical health is best when I am compliant with taking all of my medications as directed; when I exercise whether it be doing yard therapy or walking the dogs – which is therapy in itself, making sure that I am eating right. My current goal is to maintain my healthy weight of 180lbs and holding onto my size 34 waist – yes, I am bit vain when it comes to my weight. The highest I have been was almost 260lbs and I have fluctuated over the years with my most weight loss coming when I was deep into my addiction.

My mental health and emotional health while be separate, they are also extremely connected to each other. In order to maintain my mental health, again, I need to be compliant with my mental health medications. We recently simplified my regime so that I am not taking so many pills but an taking the exact same dosage. I also have to make sure that I am making all of my appointments with my chemical dependency therapist Stacy Jouffray and my psychiatrist Dr. Cervando Martinez. Another area that assists me with my mental health is my blog because it is very cathartic for me when  I share my experience, strength and hope with others through my writing.

My emotional must be maintained by having healthy relationships with my sisters, their husbands, my nieces and their children and families. I need to work at being better at calling my father who will be 79 in April. I work daily on my relationship with my husband of over 18 years along with his mother who love as though she were my own mother. Maintaining close relationships with my best friend Yoli and my friends the Sisters of The Holy Spirit, my other friends that I may not see often but we have been friends for 20 years now. I also need to maintain my relationships with my fellows in Alcoholics Anonymous. My most important relationship has got to be the one that I have with my Higher Power whom I choose to call God.  If I am working on all three of these along with my mental and physical health then every day I can state this with certainty “JUST FOR TODAY, I WILL REMAIN CLEAN AND SOBER!!!”

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!!

 

Fitness Word Map

The ranges of Physical Health

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The Wheel of Emotions

 

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Ranges of Mental Health

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#FOWC – Health

 

Late: #JusJoJan 2019 – Jan. 29th – Dirty

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Dirty, there can be so many connotations of the word which can be clean or dirty depending on your frame of mind. I often have a horribly dirty sense of humor that can make me the life the party but must be reined in at times depending on the company I am with.

Our house is always dirty because we have five dogs, no central air, wooden floors throughout and of course my depression and manic episodes tend to drain the energy out of me at most times, therefore I do nothing. But then there are other times that my manic episodes put me on a cleaning tear, and I don’t stop projects until I am done, to the detriment of some of my mental faculties.

When the alcoholism and addict in me come out, that is when I feel the dirtiest because that is when the lies and the self-disrespect, disrespect of my husband and my family all come into play. It is the worst way to live one’s life, yet unfortunately, those of us who suffer from these issues can dive right back in without any reservation. Currently I am on the driest run that I have had since I turned 50 in 2016. I t has been three weeks since my last drink and I feel great physically and mentally that we are getting there slowly but surely.

One of things that I am most proud of, is that I have thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for 22 years as of today. Recently during my most recent bout with my issues I have been the most non-compliant patient with both my HIV meds and my mental health meds. I got to a point where I was just exhausted and tired of taking any medications and I didn’t care. Since my last episode on 1/9/19, I have been on a driving force to simplify all my medication regimens. I am working with my Infectious Diseases doctor Delia E. Bullock, with the Family Focused AIDS Clinical Treatment (FFACTS) Clinic with the University Health System of San Antonio along with my therapist Stacy Jouffray and my psychiatrist Dr. Cervando Martinez on a plan to drop me from a total of 12 pills a day to 4 pills a day. One Prezcobix and one Jucula for the HIV/AIDS along with one Depakote ER for the bipolar manic episodes and one Bupropion ER for the depression. I feel that these will be very positive in making sure that I remain compliant and I will continue to work my program to remain clean and sober.

As I work to be the best me that I can be, I will continue to work on keeping the dirty side me very much at bay and keeping the spiritually faithful individual that I am on the path to remain CLEAN and SOBER JUST FOR TODAY!!!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

 

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#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 29th

#JusJoJan 2019 – Jan. 20th – Serendipity

serendipity_themepage

When I think of all the things in my life that have happened serendipitously, I am amazed because I have had such a strange but exciting life despite my battles with alcoholism and addiction, my battles with depression and being bipolar, thriving, not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for 22 years now.

I must honestly say that the most precious and important occurrence of serendipity has got to be when my husband of almost 18 years, Cruz called information to find my number in January 2001 because he just needed a friend to talk to. I have mentioned in previous posts that Cruz and I became friends in 1997 but had lost contact for a few years. When he called me in January 2001, I was by no means looking for love, a relationship or even any other type of encounters. I was happy just being me and working for SITEL Corporation as an Operations Team Manager.

But our whirlwind courtship was just amazing and call me a hopeless romantic, but when I received two dozen long stem red roses at work on Valentine’s Day 2001, I knew that Cruz was a keeper. When I moved in with him in October 2001, I brought two cats Mamas – who ran away not long after I moved in and Little Bit who passed in 2011 and Cruz had one dog Daisymae that had been with him 12 years already and she crossed the Rainbow Bridge in 2007. If you had told me then that we would see each-other through multiple health issues leading to the death of his father in June 2006, the murder of his niece in March 2011, the deaths of both my grandmothers in the space of a little over 3 months – which caused a really bad downward spiral for me, his mother’s open heart surgery in July 2015 and of course the arrival of Stitch, Buddy, our first Tippy, Sissy, Missy, Fluffy,, Minnie (Doodle), Patty and our second Tippy who over the years have crossed the Rainbow Bridge, and of course our current four legged babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey Sadie and Stitchy – I would have told you that you were crazy because I never saw myself being loved and wanted by someone for the rest of my life.

One of the greatest things that ended up happening serendipitously was when Cruz bought our current house in 2006, he reminds me often that he bought this house for me. I have been truly blessed through all my madness and I am always happy to find some SERENDIPITY wherever it comes from. But today – I thank my God for all the gifts in my life and all of the most important people in my life – my sisters, their husbands, my nieces and their children, my father and stepmother, Cruz and of course his mother, and the many friends over the years especially my best friend Yoli who by the way is one of those pieces of serendipity in my life.
That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

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#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 20th

#JusJoJan 2019 – Jan 8th – Self

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Self, when I think of self lately, I haven’t thought very highly of myself. 2018 was a very tough year for myself and those around me. Some of it because of my own doing, some of it because of my mental health and physical health issues.

2019 now has become my year of self renewal, faith renewal, and I am hoping a whole lot of self-love. Because as Rupaul Charles says, “if you can’t love yourself how the hell can you love somebody else! Can I get an amen!”

In one of the photos you see the hand that says balance, calmness, determination, confidence, willpower and self-control. 2019 has got to be the year that all six of these come to fruition for me. As an unemployed, person thriving with HIV/AIDS for 22 years not just surviving, with alcoholism and addiction issues, and no health insurance – 2018 became abundantly depressing and very scary for me. That is because I was not aware of how much help is out there if you truly reach out to your team and tell them that you are at your end mentally and physically because you’re tired.

I am very proud to say that I am now working with my team of mental health, recovery health, and my medical team to put me back together just as though I was Humpty Dumpty that fell off the wall.

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” thank you for stopping by!

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge: Higher Power

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge

 

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Every day I am blessed that My Higher Power whom I chose to call God is with me on this incredible and sometimes difficult journey of recovery from alcoholism and cocaine addiction. This journey also includes dealing with having bipolar affectation disorder and some deep depression that still comes on even though I am on Lithium and Bupropion, while thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 21 years..

That being said, I am also blessed to have a very loving and supportive family that has always seen me through THICK and THIN!!!!

This is what is in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!!